Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
