Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
