I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
