Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize