I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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