PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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