Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
