Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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