I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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