Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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