I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
someone owes me an orgasm
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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