do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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