I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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