Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
