I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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