You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
