I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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