yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Drunk is a universal language darling
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
