We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
