shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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