After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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