bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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