I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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