Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
