just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
