I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
