I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
