too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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