talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
