As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
