If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
