Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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