I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
