I look better un-naked...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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