whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
