its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Shame is for Republicans.
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