Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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