Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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