the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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