I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
