Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
