3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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