Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
