Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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