i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today