dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
