We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together