i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
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Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
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you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight