i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
