You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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