i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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