that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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