I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
