so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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