I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
