I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
