guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
