Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
