his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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