ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
