community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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