i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
