$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize