Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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