Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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