Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
