the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
