Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I intend to get homeless drunk
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
