I wish you could order shots online.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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