I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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