Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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