you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
