I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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