Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
