Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
