Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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