Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
